Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I FORGOT TO FINISH THIS ONE...conclusion to follow

A lady found a Masterpiece in the trash 4 years ago. She said "I knew it had Power"
It is now worth One Million Dollars.

When I was in the 5th Grade, Greg, Dave and I used to do a little trash pickin'.
Sometimes we would find old skates that could be turned into skateboards.
Sometimes we would find an old Baseball glove, or Basketball Hoop or even a Guitar with most of its strings.
But the real Trophy Trash was the Playboy Magazine.
And when you found one, you usually found about a dozen more right with it. some of them would probably be worth a lot of money today.
We would drool over the pictures and giggle over the cartoons, pretending we knew what was so funny.
We knew they had power.

Dave was in my Art Class at School and we did Pottery one week. I molded my clay and was just about to slide my creation into the Kiln when it caught Mrs. McGuilligotcha's eye.
"One moment Mr. Bulletholes, what is that you have there"
"Its a Rabbit"
"Let me see that" and she took my Rabbit.
She surveyed my Bas-Relief Rabbit with the Bow-Tie and Cocked Ear while I put on my most innocent face.

"That IS NOT a Rabbit"
she said as she turned my little Playboy Logo into a lump of clay "Do something else."
I was dyin' to say
"What d'ya mean "not a Rabbit"?"
but she was givin' me that look that says
"Thin Ice ahead, keep your trap shut!"

"Damn, that was beautiful " Dave whispered to me as I started to fashion my next little project.
"Wait'll ya get a load of this..." I whispered back, having forgotten all about the thin ice.

The Conclusion…I remembered back to the January 1967 issue of Playboy, the one with Jayne Mansfield and the great interview with Fidel Castro that we had found in the trash.
But I was more interested in the centerfold girl Surraye Marsh.
Mrs. McGilligotcha had squashed my Rabbit, but now I was working on my masterpiece, a Mermaid.
It was making my mouth water.
The long flowing hair, the slender waist giving way to a well rounded derriere and those hips…
But what was critical were the breasts in my Sculpture; it was the breasts that would make or break it…especially the nipples.
A Mermaid!
What a splendid idea!
A Mermaid!
Could there be any subject more suited to an Artist?
Combining Myth with Reality, Hans Christian Anderson with Rodin, I would probably win a prize for this one!
A Mermaid!
She was gorgeous, she was built …she was the most fantastic piece of ass you’ve ever laid eyes on.

And I hope that you aren’t too disappointed to find that I did not Sculpt this anatomically correct specimen of femininity in my 6th Grade Art class.
I put the finishing touches to her and placed her lovingly on my Smoked Salmon display.
She was made of Cream Cheese, and I was no longer a 5th Grade Art Student, but a Garde-Manger at a nice Hotel and I became famous for my Cream Cheese Mermaids.
Every time I made one, I thought about Dave, I thought about that bunny, and I thought about Mrs. MacGilligotcha.

No, I didn't make a mermaid in Mrs. MacGilligotcha's Art class, but damn...
I wish I had!

Monday, April 28, 2008

DIAL 9-11

I liked the sound of that!
Until I read the article...

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny"

Thursday, April 24, 2008



Seabisquit is a disturbed horse, picked out by a disturbed Trainer named Smith, for a disturbed man wanting to buy a Racehorse.

One of the Great Lines from this movie is unspoken...

We see the trainer has three men trying to keep Seabisquit at bay and tells a potential jockey to be careful “the horse is a little touchy”.
Seabisquit is reared back on his two hind legs, snorting and neighing in an agitated state.

Next we see the Jockey walking away, telling Smith ‘That horse is crazy”
Smith wonders aloud where he will find a Jockey that can ride Seabisquit.

That’s when he spots Red Pollard, a deeply disturbed part time Jockey, part time boxer.
Pollard is swinging an empty bucket as he screams “Cmon you sons of bitches, I’ll take you all on” and like Seabisquit he battles 3 men.

Smith sees this scene, and looks back to where Seabisquit, still reared up, is giving his 3 men all they can handle.
He looks again to Pollard and back again to Seabisquit…to Pollard and back again to Seabisquit...it is a match and he has found his Jockey.
There is no dialogue and the audience is left to make the obvious connection for themselves.

Seabisquit goes on to become a great racehorse despite his lack of size and style.
Pitted against the great War Admiral in a match race, Seabisquit beats the odds and delights a nation.
40 Million people (1/3 of the Nation) tuned their radios in to listen to the race.

“You don’t throw a whole life away just because its banged up a little”
Smith, concerning a horse with a bad leg about to be shot

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


"Angeline, Angeline
Darker nights I've never seen
I do love your East Texas pines
But I can't find my sleep
In your shadows so deep and
Dark as the doubts in my mind"

I always wanted to retire to East Texas, run a Bait and Tackle Shop and Lawnmower Repair Service.

Small friendly towns with smalltown people that roll up the sidewalks at a Quarter past Six.

In the Angelina National Forest there are small lakes and large resevoirs filled with mossbeds full of Black Bass and Opelousa Catfish. I would keep an eye out for the little Red Cocked Woodpecker, endangered since 1973. Best keep a sharp eye for ol' Water Moccasin too.

Lately there are disturbing rumors and reports coming out of that once pristine and untouched wilderness that I enjoyed so much as a barefoot city boy posing as a toeheaded country boy a few weeks every year.

Its even on the Website...

Fishing Advisory:

Largemouth bass at Ratcliff Lake, Bouton Lake, Boykin Springs, and Double Lake have recently shown elevated levels of mercury. This is a common occurrence in East Texas lakes.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


James McMurtry
follows his Video from from 2 years ago that gained national recognition
with a new Album out today titled "Just us Kids" ....

There is a contest at You Tube to submit a video for his latest from said album...

"Cheney's Toy"

Another unknown soldier
Another lesson learned
Kick the gas can over
Strike a match get back and watch that sucker burn
Keep smiling for the camera
Keep waving to the crowd
Don't let up for an instant
Stay the course and make your mama proud

You're the man
Show'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
You're the man
That they're all afraid of
But you're only Cheney's toy

Another unknown soldier
Who's seen it all before
All in the name of Jesus
Behind the razor wire and shackled to the floor
Just keep smiling at the cameras
And keep that twinkle in your eye
We don't need to know the answers
Long as we're safe, just hit your marks and say your lines

You're the man
Show 'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
Take a stand
Give 'em what they paid for
Cause you're only Cheney's toy

They'll take a fork and turn you over
While the fat lady sings
One more pin on one more shoulder
Is all the future brings
For another unknown soldier
Who don't know his own name
And he won't get any older
And he can't see for the shrapnel in his brain

You're the man
Show 'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
Take a stand
Give 'em what they paid for
'Cause you're only Cheney's toy

Words and Music by James McMurtry

Monday, April 14, 2008



My latest Kitchen Nightmare….

I come in to work in my present position as an “Ops Specialist II” and the first thing I do is strip down to my Boxer /Briefs (yellow in fronT, brown in back) and sit down at my Computer.
In the next room is the Employee Cafeteria and if anyone wants something to eat, I will put my clothes back on, wash my hands, and fix it for them.
Then I will strip back down and start to work at the Computer again.
Something doesn’t seem right about working in my drawers but it is quite comfortable, just as it is right now, and I’m not one to complain about everything.

It is a busy day. In fact Corporate HDQ people are coming through the door. We don't get to see them very often, so this is a real treat.
I stand and greet each one with a warm handshake as they admire my physique.
The women are especially friendly today; I have been taking vitamins and my hair is fuller, or else my head has grown smaller.
Grown smaller?

The CEO of the company enters, I introduce myself and he asks if I might fix him some Breakfast.
’What would you like this morning?’ I inquire.
‘Biscuits” he says.
‘Biscuits it is” I snap back, trying to hide my disappointment.

You see, in the Kitchen there, we have everything. And we have a HUGE Freezer where the Bisquits are kept. It is so huge a river runs through it.
But I can NEVER, I mean NEVER find the damn Biscuits. It don’t matter how long I look.

I get my clothes on and go into the Freezer, knowing I am more likely to find Admiral Byrd or Peary or Daniel Webster in there than I am to find a single Biscuit.
I enter like I’m stepping into a time machine.
Its very cold, and even with my clothes on my balls start to draw up.
Shelves reach a mile high, filled with boxes. I cannot see the back wall, and the side walls run to the horizon.
Surely this Freezer was built by MC Escher.

But just on the other side (Of The River That Runs Through It) I find a box that says “Pillsbury”.
No Shit. How bout that?
I grab it and clutch it to my breast!
I make my way back across the Frozen Tundra, past Saint Alphonsos Pancake Breakfast, and just as I reach the door leading me back to the Kitchen and the CEO or whatever the hell this guy is, I look inside the box.

Damn….its Dinner Rolls!

To make a long dream short, I came up with every frozen Bread product that exists and never did find the Biscuits.



Well, I said in a comment to Gewels yesterday that I seemed to be a different person from a few months ago.
I took a Personality Test at her site and my answers to the Questions were quite different from what they would have been a few months back, and my posts aqnd comments reflect an Altered State.
I have been posting more trrying to worm my way through this.
I have no explanation for this but it is probably a good time to go ahead and talk about something I haven’t been able to till now.
In fact, I'll probably let this run at the top for a while....

My daughter, The Water Baby, came home at Spring Break from her Freshman Year at College and decided to withdraw. It was a very hard and traumatic decision for her and for the last month I have been trying to help her get over the many feelings she has about this.

Which really amounts to just trying to keep my big mouth shut. I know from my own experience that the last thing she needs is a lot of good advice and to talk about it.
And she is starting to get it back together….she has taken a job, a good job-40 hours a week too…and she may take a class or two at the Community College this Summer or Fall.
I also note that she has even been able to write a bit about it.
Go tell her she ain't alone.

She may have felt shamed and defeated but she is a Champion in my eyes.
If there was one thing I wanted her to know, it was that we get a lot of chances in this ol’ life and

"There are times when we are mandated to attempt something that we are unable to fulfill and we learn that the real mandate is to be able to stand guiltless in the face of whatever predicament it was we found ourselves in."

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


Apocalypse Now

Jay "Chef" Hicks, a Chef from New Orleans serving in Vietnam, is almost eaten by a Tiger in the Jungle. He is delirious, scared stupid and can only repeat the advice of the Chief of the Boat....

"stay in the boat, stay in the boat, stay in the boat..."

The narrator takes over....

Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were goin' all the way. Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole fuckin' program.

But this movie is chock full of great lines...

One more shall we?

"If I say its safe to surf this beach Captain, then its safe to surf this beach. I mean I'm not afraid to surf this place, I'll surf this whole fucking place!

then later...

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end... "

Colonel Kilgore, as played by Robert Duval


“You know, you and I get along pretty well for a couple ol’ divorced people, but anytime I get around you there is a big clock somewhere that starts to countdown. My goal is to get out of your proximity before the big hand gets to the Zero.”

Monday, April 07, 2008


I was telling Shila, my Ex wife about the downstairs neighbor who asked me if I would come down to ‘fry a chicken and make gravy since you are a Chef”
‘Sure” says I.

Got the bird fried and started making gravy….she comes in looking over my shoulder and says “oh, I can tell you make gooood gravy”
I just smiled up at her and so she then says ‘I bet you make good lovin’ too!”
Now I really wasn’t attracted to this woman and sometimes the best defense is a good offense, so I looked her full on and said
“Lady, are you askin’ for a DEMONSTRATION?” and she went running out of the Kitchen .

Shila says ‘So what happened then?”

“Well it took a minute but she came tip-toeing back in and said ‘Well, maybe just a little bit of one!”
And Shila bust out laughin’ and I ask "Whats so funny”
Shila says ‘Did you tell her theres no such thing as a little bit?’
‘No” says I “I went running out of that apartment and back upstairs where I belong!”

Friday, April 04, 2008


Yeah, I know I keep posting up lyrics, but I keep on calling songs to mind...and Greg Brown, the big Preachers son Iowa Farm boy with the voice of a Grizzly Bear is always good with his tenderhearted truthfullness...

I was jabberin' away on my cell phone today in line at ...wherever...and I realized for the umpteenth time that I was so distracted I may as well have been...well... on the Moon.
The call was not important, none of them ever really are...so I said
"I'll call you back, I want to talk to a cashier" and hung up.
I had a nice conversation with the cashier. Its not the first time I've done this.

The people behind me looked at me like I was...well... from the Moon.

'Cept You & Me, Babe

half the people you see these days are talking on cell phones
driving off the road & bumping into doors
people used to spend quite a bit of time alone
i guess nobody's lonely anymore
'cept you & me babe 'cept you & me

it's raining sheets of rain everything is cold and wet
nobody's going out of doors
they're all at home living it up on the internet
so i guess nobody's lonely any more
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

people meet somebody new & they leave the rest behind
we can have it all even though our lives are short
the kids they'll get used to it it happens all the time
no one is even surprised any more
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

i take my coffee black or with a little cream
i wake up every morning with the sun
i wanted to be your man that was nothing but a sweet dream
i always tell the truth to everyone
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

Thursday, April 03, 2008


is quite different from most on my links, but decidedly similar.
I have added him to my link list after my recent hiatus because of the stories he tells and the way he tells them. He is a Bullethole wrapped in an If of an Og.

His profile seems to explain it all in advance.


"In a surprising and potentially troubling request, the new space station robot known as Dextre demanded that astronauts refer to it in the future at "Dextre the Magnificent." Brandishing power tools that would make any handyperson blush, the mobile servicing system thanked humans for creating it and promised a glorious future where humans would retain an important role in the new robot order.

Happy April Fools Day from the folks at APOD."

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


After hearing a letter read by Davy Crockett (as played by John Wayne) from the Mexican General Santa Ana in which the General promises to "chastise the Texans even unto death" a Tennessean volunteer called 'the Beekeeper"(played by the great Chill Wills) says:
"Chastise? Davy, do "chastise" mean what I think it do?"
"It do" replies Davy.
"Chastise! "Chas-TISE" the man said!"
The Battle of the Alamo was thus begun.



The Republic of Texas successfully separated from Mexico by defeating Santa Anna at San Jacinto on April 21st, 1836. We call that "San Jacinto Day" down here.
They say that Mexico wants it back.
Looking around, I'd say they just about may have it!

Texas Independence Day is celebrated on March 2nd in remembrance of 'The Texas Declaration of Independence"written, signed and sealed at Washington-on-the Brazos in 1836.
We are about a month late here, but what the hell.
Is there an Illinois Independence Day? Or an Iowa Independence Day?
I don't think so!

Thanks and a tippo to Sharon (the Shaz!)!

'The Alamo" with John Wayne is a very good movie to watch. Also stars Chill Wills, Denver Pyle, and Richard Widmark.


Got your message late last night- did you say Cat’s in the hospital? Hope she’s OK….
This guy at Up in Smoke…it really started bugging me that they needed me to get a hold of you….I mean, I am not the worlds most Resourceful guy, and I can barely sign in on a computer, but if I wanted to get Foghat, or Leslie West to come play at my Birthday party, all I need to do is type them in to Google and ‘Voila! There’s Lesley West and how to reach him and more than I would ever want to know about Foghat!
All I have to do from there is show them where to plug in.
Anyway, if it’s a gig that you want I hope ya’ll have it ironed out and unless its Carnegie Hall calling I’ll just direct inquiries to your website.
Now, I want to tell you about the time I saw Leslie West at UTA’s Texas Hall…I think I was 17….it was my second visit to Texas Hall, my first being to see Political Activist Dick Gregory when I was 16…I don’t know that I was the most enlightened 16 year old, but I bet I was the only 16 year old there…
Anyway, West did this guitar solo that was out of this world- suddenly he stopped- and the crowd went wild- so he commenced to do another round of licks and suddenly stopped and the crowd came to their feet- and he started another round, going from Beatles to Clapton to ELP and there may have even been some Gershwin thrown in; real virtuoso stuff when he suddenly stops again and looks at the audience…the audience, on their feet, goes double crazy and West just cups his ear and whispers into the mike
And everybody just goes crazy twice…I had never seen an exhibition like that before….and I think that’s the way Lee felt watching you the other night.


Tuesday, April 01, 2008


'its comin' from the feel that it ain't exactly real, or its real but ain't exactly there"

I never would have figured her for a Leonard Cohen girl. She is hard as bricks and tough as nails and stubborn like those Garbage bags that "time will not decay" but we stumbled across this song and she was hooked. Now that I think about it I should have known cuz she has a really nasty little sense of humor....

l. cohen

Ah we're drinking and we're dancing
and the band is really happening
and the Johnny Walker wisdom running high
And my very sweet companion
she's the Angel of Compassion
she's rubbing half the world against her thigh
And every drinker every dancer
lifts a happy face to thank her
the fiddler fiddles something so sublime
all the women tear their blouses off
and the men they dance on the polka-dots
and it's partner found, it's partner lost
and it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:

Ah, we're lonely, we're romantic
and the cider's laced with acid
and the Holy Spirit's crying, "Where's the beef?"
And the moon is swimming naked
and the summer night is fragrant
with a mighty expectation of relief
So we struggle and we stagger
down the snakes and up the ladder
to the tower where the blessed hours chime
and I swear it happened just like this:
a sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
the Gates of Love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since

I loved you for your beauty
but that doesn't make a fool of me:
you were in it for your beauty too
and I loved you for your body
there's a voice that sounds like God to me
that your body's really you
And I loved you when our love was blessed
and I love you now there's nothing left
but sorrow and a sense of overtime
and I missed you since the place got wrecked
And I just don't care what happens next
looks like freedom but it feels like death
it's something in between,
I guess
Yeah I missed you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
looks like freedom but it feels like death
it's something in between,
I guess

Yeah, we're drinking and we're dancing
but there's nothing really happening
and the place is dead as Heaven on a Saturday night
And my very close companion
gets me fumbling gets me laughing
she's a hundred but she's wearing
something tight
and I lift my glass to the Awful Truth
which you can't reveal to the Ears of Youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime
And the whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for Christ
but the Boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights

The whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for Christ
but the Boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights